Don't Make Assumptions

"You assumed!"
--Anthony Judson Lawrence (The Young Philadelphians)

The first agreement was be impeccable with your word. The second agreement was don't take anything personally. The third agreement is don't make assumptions.

We assume that we know what others are thinking and doing. The problem with doing so is that we believe that these assumptions are true. Assuming that assumptions are true is the basis for misunderstanding.

Engaging in idle talk or rumors about the private matters of others, a.k.a. gossip, is a prime environment for assumption-making. When someone tells us about a third person's behavior, we make assumptions about the motives, morality, effectiveness, etc of that third person. We even make assumptions about the truth of the second hand gossip. Through gossip, we form opinions about people that we do not even know.

We often make assumptions because we have made agreements to communicate this way. It can be safer not to ask questions or to seek clarity because we assume others will view us as foolish or excessively critical. Moreover, asking questions and seeking clarity takes time and effort; making assumptions is quicker and easier.

We can also make judgments about ourselves grounded in assumptions. "I will never be a fast runner." "I am a good judge of character." "I am terrible with numbers." These judgments drive us to over- and underestimate ourselves and keep us from being the best that we can be.

One way to keep from making assumptions is to ask questions. Ask questions in order to understand. Also ask clearly to convey wants, rather than trying to maneuver others.

Another way to keep from making assumptions is to gather information first hand, rather than relying on second hand information from others--which is likely chock full of assumptions and error. This has implications for how I consume media.

The more questions I ask, the fewer assumptions I make. The more I seek information from primary sources rather than from secondary sources, the more clearly I understand..